


Between Control and Lost Causes

by thesobernone



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Alec is mostly canon, Alec loves Pink Floyd, Alec saves everyone but himself, Alec's really lost, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angst, Badboy Magnus, Because I want it, Blow Jobs, Book!Malec, Bottom Alec, Canon-Typical Violence, Clizzy - Freeform, Dirty Talk, Drama, Drugs, Everyone's going through shit, Fighter Magnus, Fingering, Hands Jods, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus is half canon, Magnus really loves Alec, Malec, Prostitute Alec, Protective Magnus, Raphael is a Little Shit, Rimming, Sort Of, Top Magnus, because we deserve it, but not really, but we love him, so does Magnus, soft alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 22:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14459586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesobernone/pseuds/thesobernone
Summary: Alec is trying really hard not to feel broken. It's not easy going to bed almost every night with the ghost of strangers touches kissing your cold spine, but he's trying and he does not feel sorry for himself.Magnus is fine with his ephemeral lifestyle. He was still fine with it after he met Alec.OrAlec's precious but bitchy and Magnus doesn't know what's going on half of the time.





	Between Control and Lost Causes

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I already have a Malec fanfic which surprise, isn't finished!! Just like everything else in my life. However... I got this idea and like most people say, it wouldn't just leave me alone. So I'm posting it here. I have no ideia how the updates will work, truth be told. Okay? Okay :)  
> Now the warnings. There's some non con on this, but very brief and nothing major.  
> I picture book malec on this but feel free to imagine whoever you want while reading it.  
> My first language it's not english, so there will be a lot of grammar mistakes and even typos on this sloppy work, I'm sorry :(  
> I really like to listen to music while I'm writing, well most of the times, so every chapter will have some song lyrics at the beggining.  
> Hope you all still like this haha

"You lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying  
When I was a child, I had a fever  
My hands felt just like two balloons  
Now I've got that feeling once again  
I can't explain, you would not understand  
This is not how I am" 

Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

 

It was a dark night. Cold. Freezing, if you must say. A typical yet cruel reality settled in the very background of mundane activities at the New York’s streets. If someone tells you or if you read it on a book, you will most likely be disconcerted. If you catch a glimpse of it happening right in front of you, you would not blink an eye. It is not your fault. Most people are used to not caring when there is no one looking. 

“Anything else?” The bored attended asked as if he was praying to the answer be no. It was almost two A.M and it was dangerous to keep the store opened at such time on the neighborhood. He might be bored with life but that does not mean he would wanted her to end so soon.

Alec Lightwood gulped. His hands would not stop shaking. The reason behind it was not fear, for once. It was just the rippling cold blowing mercilessly against his pale, almost ghost-like skin. His lack of clothes was obscene, almost insane but no one he had crossed in the street had looked at him twice. Well, some people did stared at him on his way to the store but the reason behind it had nothing to do with his outfit. 

“I said, do you want anything else?” The attended was growing more impatient each second making Alec quickly drift his gaze focused on the clock. Biting his lip until he tasted blood, Alec realized he was late.

“Hum, these, please.” Alec grabbed a pack of strawberry gum from the old stand. Strawberry was good. He liked it. It was sweet yet strong. 

“$14.79.” The attended said before handing Alec a bag with his stuff. 

“Thank you.” Alec grabbed the bag and looked briefly at the person standing in front of him. His face practically screamed to him to leave so Alec left. It was easy following orders. 

While Alec walked through Mott Haven silent streets, he checked his bag twice to see if he got the right pack of cigarettes. Mistaking brands was not something he would want to do tonight. Then, Alec did not wanted to do anything tonight.

He counted how much tablets of gum he had. Eight. He only needed two. That means he will actually be able to enjoy the last six ones. He could not remember the last thing he did that he had enjoy it. 

The boy jumped when he suddenly felt his jeans pocket vibrating. With one hand, he grabbed his phone and felt his anxiety less a little when he realized it was just a text. He hated when they called him. Something about talking aloud bothered him. 

Where are you? The text was simple. Objective. Alec preferred them like that. 

I am still at Bronx. Going to take the subway. Alec typed with one hand while he looked around searching for suspicious people. When he saw the street still dead, he pressed send.

Immediately his phone started buzzing again, this time constantly. With a low whimper, Alec realized it was a call. He knew better than not to answer, so he picked up his phone with shaky hands.

“The subway?” A raspy, aggressive voice spilled. “I don’t have fucking time for that shit. It’s fucking two in the morning, you dumb slut. My wife’s gonna be home in a couple of hours.”

Tears started to roll on Alec’s face. “I’m sorry. My roommate got sick and I was in the hospital with her.” He forced his voice to sound natural. 

“The hospital?” The man laughed on the other side of the call. “You gonna be in the hospital if I’m not getting off before my wife is home.”

“Can’t we reschedule?” Alec tried to sound as a professional. Thinking about his job professionally helped him swallow all his hurt away. 

“No.” The chuckled he got was cruel. “We can’t reschedule. Who do you think you are? Some office boy? I pay you to fuck your ass so I fucking decide things here.”

Alec didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. He just breathed heavily on the phone.

“Where are you?” The man asked impatiently. “What part of the Bronx?”

“Mott Haven.” Alec said and gripped the bag on his hands tight. He knew what was coming.

“I’m going to get you. Wait for me at the front of Saint Mary’s.” As all Alec got before the man hanged up before he could even protest. 

Alec was more nervous than before. Saint Mary’s Park was dangerous at night, especially at two in the morning. It was the place drugs addicted went to get high and often rob people. Alec knew a person that was raped there, a couple of months ago. He did not want to go there, but his legs seemed to think by themselves as they moved fast trough the streets. The park was a couple of blocks away from where Alec was. The boy walked slowly, knowing that since his client lived in Manhattan he would take at least half an hour to arrive at the park by car. He tried to get there at the same time as he client would so he would not be alone at the place for too long. 

The park was so dark Alec could cry. Every part of it seemed deserted and every inch of green looked gray. Alec was scared but he was thankful he did not spot anyone at the front of the park. Maybe they were all inside already. He just hoped no one would want to leave or enter the place right now. The last thing he wanted was to face people he know would want to hurt him. 

The way he was dressed didn’t helped. He had on black skinny jeans and a blue tank that barely covered his nipples. Alec had a lean body with long legs covered with smooth pale skin. His body combined with his angelic features that included big baby blue eyes and pink lips, was enough to practically everyone at his neighborhood mess with him. 

Five minutes passed and Alec was going from nervous to panicking. He forced himself to take deep breaths and told his brain to calm down. He would get through this then he would go home, take a shower and sleep until next week. Maybe we would even get some burgers on the way home. 

Lost in thoughts, Alec did not noticed a black car approaching him. He recognized as his clients car and he didn’t know if he was supposed to feel the relief he did. 

No one got out of the car. The passenger door was pushed open and Alec quickly got into the car. Alec hated getting into cars, despised the feeling of being at people’s mercer but was always he did not have a choice. 

The man behind the steering wheel was exactly as Alec remember. Intimidating, sadistic and dumb. Had dirty blond hair, a beard that Alec found incredible unappealing and his eyes were small making him look like a predator. 

Two big hands grabbed Alec by the neck and pulled him into a ravish kiss. The man licked his mouth opened with hungry and Alec couldn’t move. The pressure on his neck was scary and for a moment, he was afraid the man would strangle him. When Alec’s lips were swollen and wet with saliva, the man pulled out with a chuckled.

“Your face.” He moaned, still laughing. “You look like a frightened deer.”

“I-I told you I don’t do kissing.” Alec managed to say, cold and shaking. He could still feel the pressure of his client’s lips on his and he wanted to go away.

“Yeah, yeah.” The man rolled his eyes and his voice was growing angry. “So what? You were late so I took a bonus.”

Alec did not answered. Tears were burning his eyes but he would not cry because he knew that would only spur the man sited next to him on. The car was moving but Alec was not able to tell where they were going. He was too frozen even to move. A client had kissed him. 

“Don’t look so broken, doll.” He heard the man said but it sounded like a distant sound to him. “At least pretend you’re having fun, eh?”

After a silent six minutes’ drive, they parked in front of a motel. Alec looked startled. This client never took him to a motel and he was sure he did not wanted to get in one. 

“Let’s go.” His client said and opened the door.

Alec simply shook his head signing he did not want to go. 

“In the car.” He lowly said. “No need to spend money on a room.” 

His client considered for a second before shuddering. 

“Fine.” The man agreed already undoing his pants. 

Alec sighed in relief. He took a condom from his pocket and placed his bag at his feet level. 

“The money first, please.” He asked shakily, standing his hand at the man’s direction. Alec has been deceived a couple of times before so he learned the hard way that he should always get the money first. 

The man grunted before reaching to his pocket. He gave Alec one hundred and fifty bucks before grabbing the boys head trying to pull him for a kiss again. Alec thought about fighting back but somewhere in between the man’s strangled moans he decided it wasn’t worth it. 

Alec knew that he didn’t needed to handle this particular type of client. There were some okay clients out there and getting money just from them was more than fine. The reason Alec didn’t declined this kind of guy it’s that he’s afraid that if he refused to have sex with him, the man would just take it anyway and probably would not pay him afterwards. Therefore, Alec decided it was better to deal with a bad client than to be raped and robbed. 

Alec was at the subway waiting for his train. It was almost four in the morning and his stomach was growling so much to the point where few people stared at him while he passed. His skin felt sticky and cold, and he was shivering a lot since he left his client’s car. Alec took his bag and got a piece of gum in his mouth chewing on it carefully, the flavor crashing into his mouth quickly. The boy started counting the money again to distract himself until his train arrived. He thought one hundred and fifty dollars was good money for one hour of sex. Since Alec was no drug addicted and didn’t have the best diet, his hooker money actually lasted a lot. 

Once he got in on the almost empty train, Alec allowed himself to close his eyes for a minute. Going home was the favorite part of Alec’s day. Tomorrow was Friday so maybe he can even go to movies. The thought had a smile threatening to show up on his face. He only had one client tomorrow so he would have the time to do something actually fun. The last time Alec had fun was when he was home by himself listening to music, using LSD and drinking wine. That was a month ago. He remembers being horny but there were many reasons why he did not have sex that night. First, he was high on LSD and Alec had a very specific rule that implied that he wasn’t allowed near people when he was high. It was rare to him get high and he did not trust people enough. Second, Alec did not feel comfortable having sex out of work and he never had someone he cared about to actually want to do something. After years of watching people buy meaningless sex and being a part of all of it, he developed an aversion towards it. He believed sex was only truly good when it was shared with people you trust. You do not have to love them like that, but some kind of trust was required otherwise people will not care if it´s good for you. And Alec would know. Alec would definitely know.

Alec got home past five A.M and he was dead. Since he lived in Downtown Brooklyn, you can say he had a long trip home but at least the train was empty and peaceful so he was able to relax a little. He didn’t like to come home feeling anxious because sometimes he was afraid he would have a panic attack. Thankfully, he only had four real panic attacks until now so it was more the fear, the anticipation that bothered him. 

He lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment; on an old building, that Alec’s not sure what it used to be before it was reformed. The rent was okay, something he could afforded. Sure, the location was not exactly good, since he had to walk ten minutes to go to the closest subway line but it was manageable. Plus, Alec did enjoy walking before getting somewhere, it helped him to settle his frenetic mind. He appreciated the freezing cold kissing his cheeks while he walked by the gray streets while he felt his heart at his throat.

Alec barely crossed the front door of his apartment, when his phone buzzed. He locked his door, walked straight to the kitchen counter and climbed on it, his favorite little place.

Are you still up for tomorrow? Was what the text said. It was from Cade, one of Alec’s regulars. 

Alec yawned, scratching his sore eyes. He noticed unimpressed that his head was hurting. 

Yes. 5 P.M like you said? Alec lazily typed before jumping from the counter to open the fridge. He sighed happily when he spotted a can of soda. Just what he needed. The sweet cold running down his throw made him shiver with a little amount of happiness beneath. 

When his phone started to ring, his breathe got heavier in anticipation. Talking with clients on the phone, even if it was a regular like Cade, was something really unpleasant to Alec. Why people couldn’t stick with texting? Were they too late to use a keyboard? 

Alec answered his phone anyway, placing the can of soda on his little kitchen table. 

“Hey, Alec.” Cade said and he almost sounded happy. Alec would have been jealous of his sappy tone if he did not know that Cade’s parents died in a car crash and his little sister was fighting for her life at a shitty hospital somewhere in Manhattan, under her auntie’s care. 

“Hi, Cade.” Alec said with a flat tone, one he often used when he was on the phone. 

“How are you?” Cade asked, his voice sounding casual with just a little hint of flirting. 

“I’m fine.” Alec answered indifferently; feeling so tired he thought he would pass out right on the kitchen floor. It was five in the morning. He wondered why people thought it was okay to call at such time but then he remembered he was a hooker. 

“Good.” He could head the satisfaction in Cade’s voice. “I was thinking about taking you out tomorrow. You know, instead of us just fucking at my place like always we could actually do something fun. Not that fucking isn’t fun but...”

“Where?” Alec mumbled, gripping his phone harder. He was not of fan of public stuff and he hated being on display for other people.

“I have a fight tomorrow night. I’m talking about some big game here, Alec.” Cade told him with pride as if he was saying he got a scholarship at some prestigious school. “You should come.”

“I’ll not have sex there.” Alec said with his mouth opened in shock. In no way he would be doing that, but he was counting with that espefific money to pay his rent on Monday. Also, he’d heard about the place Cade worked as a street fighter a couple of times. Some cops even stopped him once in order to question him just because they saw him getting into Cade’s car. Alec knew that there was something definitely up going on at the place, but he never gave much thought about it since he didn’t care about this kind of thing at all. Alec hated fights. And seeing people getting paid to do so or even cheer for it made him sick to the bones.

“No fucking.” Cade promised with his voice a little less playful. “You’re just going to cheer for me and look pretty while I kick some serious ass.”

“Why?” Alec asked no sure if he wanted to know. 

“Bring a hooker day.” Cade answered right away as if he was already planning to say that exactly phrase. 

Alec wasn’t amused. “This is ridiculous. I thought punching each other in face was stupid enough but this is a whole new level.” 

“You’re too much of an ice queen to be a hooker, Alec.” Cade said now seeming to be fully humoristic. “You know that, right.”

“I won’t be going, Cade.” Alec said and couldn’t help shaking his head even if he was alone. 

“Why not?” Cade asked then yawned. “It’s late, Alec. Just tell me what time to pick you up tomorrow.”

Alec scoffed, shocked.

“I’m simply not going.” He repeated, this time firmly. “Walking around like a living trophy around a bunch of idiots who hurt people for money it’s for sure not something I want.”

“Did you just called me an idiot? You smart ass.” Cade told him disapprovingly. “I worry about you, Alec. If you ever get this mouthy with the wrong person you’re more than likely going to end up with a black eye.”

“It’s not like it didn’t happened before.” Alec shivered, rubbing his arms. “But I know better now, Cade. I am not a starving seventeen year old anymore, okay? I know my way. I know exactly who I shouldn’t be mouthy with.” A flash crossed his mind and he remembered earlier when he had his client forcing his way with him and not respecting his boundaries. 

“Are you saying I allow you to be mouthy with me?” Cade snorted, sounding amused. “Is it because I bought chocolate for you once? Don’t get you highs up, princess, I was drunk that time.”

Alec gasped, feeling nervous. Cade was his only regular that Alec wasn’t not even a little afraid and putting something like that in line wasn’t something Alec would want to do. “I’m sorry.” He managed to say without stuttering. 

Cade laughed. “No, you aren’t. But it’s fine.”

“You were right. It’s late.” Alec made his way to his living round and sited on the couch rubbing his cold hand on the material. The fact the heat wasn’t working again wasn’t nothing remotely new to him as it happens at least twice a week. 

“I want you to come tomorrow, Alec.” Yes, Cade was stubborn and a pain in the ass, but there was absolutely no way Alec would go to a place like that.

“Why can’t you ask someone else?” Alec almost whined. He was tired and he wanted to curl upon his bed and get warm. “I’m sure there’s plenty of…” 

“There isn’t.” Cade cut him off. “It has to be you.”

“Why?” Alec asked with sudden suspicious. “Why me?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Cade abruptly said. “I’ll give you three times what I usually pay you.” 

Alec mouth hanged opened with a suppressed sigh. That was almost half of his rent. “W-why? I’m serious, Cade. I’m not dumb. Why are you willing to pay that much just for me to attend a place where we aren’t even going to have sex?”

“Was that a complain? If you want, we can fuck afterwards.” Cade sounded like an asshole and Alec wasn’t slightly amused.

“Are you going to answer me?” He said with no patience.

“Today’s important, let’s put it that way.” Cade started and took a deep breath. “My bosses announced to everyone who works on the ring that we are going to have a party tomorrow after the big fight.”

Alec was lost. “Big fight?”

“Yeah, some important people are coming over, sponsors or some shit.” Cade said sounding unimpressed. “So we were told to bring hot bitches to look pretty on the after party, you know?”

Alec thought he was insane. The whole idea disgusted him and instantly a familiar voice inside his head said he would never have the right to find something disgusting while he still had sex with people for money. 

“I’m not interested.” He said trying not to sound offended. 

“I said I would pay you more.” Cade sighed. “Think about that with this money you can skip a couple of fucks this week. I’m sure being groped by gross old man cannot be your idea of fun for the weekend.”

Alec stopped for a second, not sure what to say. Cade was right. It would be more than great not having to work on the weekend and having time to actually do something fun. However, he also knew that he was quite right himself on how he did not wanted to cope with the ridiculous situation he was just proposed. 

“Cade…” 

“Look Alec, I know you’re not crazy about this, but just listen okay? You don’t like your job for a fact, all I’m doing is simply offering a way for you to have a break. What’s some hours compered to two, three days of hard work?” Cade sounded serious before breaking a little laugh. “I can’t believe I just said that.”

“What?” Alec was so tired and the sound of Cade’s cocky voice was making him angry.

“Hard work.” Cade was still laughing. “You’re a hooker and you have hard working days.”

Alec had definitely heard worst so he didn’t missed a beat.

“Shut up.” Alec softly asked with his eyes closed, one hand massaging his left temple. “I’m going to that stupid thing just shut up already.”

Cade beamed. “I knew you would give in eventually, hot stuff. You always do. Pick you up at eight?”

“You people are having a party at eight?” Alec suspiciously asked.

Cade sighed. “No, silly thing. That’s the time the fights will begin.”

“I don’t want to watch the fights.” Alec protested trying to hold onto some small dignity he had left. 

“You don’t want to see me brooking people’s noses?” Cade sounded almost disappointed. 

“Eight.” Alec said before ending the call without thinking twice. 

Alec blinked a couple of times when he found himself surrounded with nothing but thick silence. Feeling the doubtless numbness crawling its way to his heart made his eyes wet with hot tears. His ears felt cold and the combination of his stuffed nose and his eyes painfully aching scared him. After ten seconds just absolving hints of pain, Alec quickly got up from the couch and made his way to his bedroom after taking another can of soda from the fridge. 

In the darkness, tucked in bed late at night, completely alone with just the ghost of stranger’s touches all over his body, Alec thought about things he could not at daylight.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so that was pretty much it. I don't know if its sucks but I kinda like it still? Well...  
> Cade's an ass, feel free to like him or not lol  
> If you like it, please leave me a comment so I won't be lonely. Love ya all <3


End file.
